IT’S A WONDER
WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER AT ALL!
By Mark Benner
Do you hear me? Think how many times
you’ve heard someone use that phrase out of anger or frustration. Maybe it was
a parent upset at their child. Perhaps it was a boss at work, trying to emphasize
or re-emphasize a certain point. Now try to think of just one time when that
phrase actually improved understanding of the issue at hand. Chances are you
can’t do it. Chances are it only made things worse. That’s because in everyday
conversation, the actual words that come out of someone’s mouth often have very
little to do with the message that is received. Communication breakdowns happen
constantly, and for a wide variety of reasons. We misinterpret intentions
because words can only do so much to promote understanding. If words aren't
accompanied by a shared understanding of other areas such as culture, life
experience, and personal style – or, at an absolute minimum, awareness on both
sides that these differences can exist and will themselves have an impact –
then the result can be a communication catastrophe. In some cultures, silence
means disapproval; depending on the social position of the speakers, it would
be far too rude to disagree or turn down a request in public. Yet in other
cultures silence can be taken as assent. It’s assumed that if someone didn't
like what was happening, they’d let you know. When these two cultures clash,
it’s no wonder there are misunderstandings! Each culture has its own
communication conventions or rules: about how often we make eye contact, how we
express politeness, how loudly we speak, how we interpret silence, how directly
or indirectly we make a request or let someone know what we want, how close we
stand when speaking to one another, how much information we share, how we
motivate others, how we argue or how we complain. Some cultures may perceive
indirectness as dishonest; others may perceive it as polite. As a result,
someone who makes requests directly (Please write this report today) may be
annoyed by someone who uses indirect requests (This report needs to be written
today). Paying attention to body language and seeking clarification can help
overcome some of these misunderstandings. Gender can also influence how we
communicate. Author John Gray suggests men and women think differently, have
different emotional needs and express these needs differently … so much that
they can seem like they are from different planets (hence one of his book
titles, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.) Gray claims that when talking
about problems or frustrations, women will listen and empathize while men will
offer solutions. Similarly, author Deborah Tannen claims that the language
between women is mostly “rapport talk,” used to build bonds of friendship,
trust and understanding. Language between men is “report talk” – used to
provide information to get something accomplished. While these generalizations
about gender and cultural influences are helpful, they are only
generalizations. In other words, when it comes down to a particular phone
conversation, a chance encounter on the street or an office meeting, making
assumptions can be risky. Putting too much stock in generalizations can lead to
stereotyping … and at that point the roadblocks to understanding start piling
on top of each other. But awareness of differences is only a precondition for
understanding, not a guarantee it will happen. When that awareness of
differences is accompanied by a commitment to explain and clarify your
intentions, and to request the same of others, you’re getting somewhere.
Arriving at a shared understanding is not an easy process, but well worth the
effort!!
Task 1:
Below are words from the article. Write the correct letter on each
line to match the words with their meanings.
| 1. intention
|
a. to explain, make clear
|
| 2. assume
|
b. to give a wrong meaning to; misunderstand
|
| 3. empathize
|
c. to call attention to; make important
|
| 4. disapproval
|
d. lack of approval
|
| 5. misinterpret
|
e. to understand another’s feelings or motives
|
| 6. emphasize
|
f. a general rule or idea that is inferred from
particular facts or examples
|
| 7. clarify
|
g. accepted to be true without proof
|
| 8. rapport
|
h. an oversimplified mental picture of a group of people
|
| 9. stereotype
|
i. to help something happen
|
| 10. claim
|
j. a harmonious relationship with someone
|
| 11. promote
|
k. to maintain; say as a fact
|
| 12. generalization
|
l. the purpose behind an action or statement
|
Task 2:
Write a noun for each of the verbs
below. Use either the noun or the verb form in sentences.
VERB
|
NOUN
|
perceive
|
perception
|
assume
|
|
empathize
|
|
disapprove
|
|
misinterpret
|
|
emphasize
|
|
clarify
|
|
generalize
|
|
